Saturday, October 30, 2004

Explain That To Me One More Time

The phone rings and:
Me: Hello
Them: Hi, is this Gretchen Gerth?
Who is this?
My name is Danielle is Gretchen there?
Danielle from what company?
The publishing company, is this Gretchen?
The publishing company? What publishing company?
Is this Gretchen?
Now I want to know what is going on
Yes, what publishing company?
Oh hi, my name is Danielle and I'm with the publishing company, were really sorry about your magazines not arriving on time and we want you to know that we will make sure that you receive every issue on your subscription and we want to continue your subscription for an additional 60 months free of charge.
I did have a problem a few months ago with Entertainment Weekly getting here late and I called them, they corrected it.
What publishing company?
The one for your magazine.
Which magazine?
All the magazines your get at your house.
And which magazines would those be?
Correct Answer: TV Guide, Entertainment Weekly, Time, Discover, Ladies Home Journal, Woman’s Day, Family Circle, Reader’s Digest, Parenting, Good Housekeeping
Oh I don’t have that list here, but even if you want to change your magazines you can. I just need to get…
You don't know what magazines I get, but you are going to give me a free 60 month subscription to all of them.
Yeah, if you'll just answer a few questions.
What kind of questions
Like what is my credit card number?
Do you still live at 128 N. Valley?
Yes
And are you happily married or happily single?
What is this happily crap?
I'm married
Oh congratulations
Even though I left off the happily, I am still congratulated. I should have told her I was widowed yesterday, but they probably have a line there for widowed.
And what is your occupation right now?
I don't see what this has to do with my magazines
I just need to fill out this survey first, what is your occupation right now
Okay, well right now I am unemployed
Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,
Thought maybe I'd blown it and didn't qualify for their free offer
What does your husband do?
Drugs?
He does General Labor
Oh, that's hard my husband does that too,
I thought maybe for a second that I had said drugs out loud.
Ok somebody's going to call you back to confirm the answers on the survey and then you'll get the paperwork in the mail, you just need to send it back with $4.99 per week
What - $5.00 a week
No ma'am it's only $4.99 per week
For what
For this service to keep your subscriptions going and if you want to change magazines you can - say you don't want to get Glamour any more you can change it to Vogue.
OK so I'm supposed to pay you $260 per year for
I don't know about the year, it's only $4.99 per week for all of your subscriptions.
Well that's $260 per year, for subscriptions I already paid for.
Yeah but say you don't want Glamour anymore
I never wanted Glamour to start with. You tell me that you're going to send me 60 months at no charge, except for the $4.99 per week.
Yes that's right.
That's not right that's ludicrous, you want me to pay $4.99 per week for subscriptions that I have already paid for, and can cancel at anytime all by myself if I so choose and then subscribe to another if I so choose.
At some point Danielle hung up

Totally non related there is a Chocolate Festival show on Food channel right now, one line I really liked was the 12 Step Chocolate Program - make sure you are never more than 12 steps away from something chocolate. Of course then one of the facts they flashed before commercial was that a single chocolate chip provides the average adult enough energy to walk 150 feet. The other thing they had was international chocolate delicacies, the one from India was naan covered in chocolate syrup. If I remember correctly Jackson didn't care for the naan, but I'm willing to bet you didn't put any chocolate syrup on it.

6 comments:

marty said...

What I can't figure out is why you talk to these people. It was a clear scam from the words 'The publishing company.'

Gretchen said...

my psychologist is working on it, maybe a perverse need to point out to them the error of their ways, maybe pure boredom, maybe that one in a million chance that they want to send me 60 free months of all the magazines that I read.

ez said...

Oh, come on Mom, it is fun to toy with people like poor Danielle. Especially, when you can do the yearly price for $4.99 per week in your head. And you know that $4.99/week does not equal free. Pity the people that don't know this and listen to Danielle.

paulette said...

What a delightful post. You certainly lifted my spirits. Life can get gloomy with no power.

KathrynVH said...

I was also greatly amused to the point where I laughed out loud at the office to the mystified faces of my colleagues. "I don't know about yearly", "drugs" I'm slain for the day.

melody said...

haha! i laughed out loud a lot...what does your husband do "drugs". my oh my...you should of said it just to see what said. anyways...very cute!