Keep Putting One Foot In Front Of The Other

Just keep going, one day at a time, and way too soon it's been a year.

But it's been everyday. Everyday I would come home and Mom would not be here. Everyday something would happen that I would think about how I couldn't wait to tell Mom, and then she wouldn't be here.

I couldn't keep coming home to Mom's house, so I transformed it. I made it mine but still I pull up everyday and it hits again, she's not going to be here. She's not at the casino, she's not at the club house playing dominoes, she's not in Vegas, or LA, or Indiana and yet she's not here either.

My neck and foot have been aching for the past month, just like they do leading up to May 6th and August 9th. Psychomatic, I'm sure, but there all the same.

Yesterday and today were tough, I kept busy, very busy. I kept tissue at my desk for when I cried, but I kept busy. I got 3,000 payroll checks out the door and all of the files sent to the bank. I have everything done that could be done. I'm taking tomorrow off, I have 8 hours vacation left that if I don't take, I lose. I didn't think I could get everything done today, but I kept busy, very busy. And then I couldn't wait to tell Mom.

To Bail or Not to Bail

Really, really, wish someone knew the answer to that one. The current automotive situation is of course the top news story here, unfortunately I don't have the time (or inclination) to watch a lot of news. Mitch Albom had a great column that I feel is worth the read. I have picked up enough through sound bites, blogs I read, and discussions on the radio station that I listen to, to form my own opinion.

How the hell should I know? Whether or not the automotive industry should be given a ______ (bail out, loan, hand up, fill in whichever word gives you warm fuzzies) is way beyond my good but limited understanding of business. I do however know a whole lot about throwing good money after bad, and am very afraid that this is what this situation is. Although I do not know if I am for a bailout or not, I am very sure that I want the automotive industry to succeed.

I wasn't wild about the financial bailout, I was disgusted with the way it was handled. Failing in congress and then passing once the pork was added. This however underscores my disgust with the process the Big Three are now being subjected to. It just seems to me that congress is feeling a bit of backlash over the financial bail out and is using this opportunity to feign fiscal responsibility. Seriously, lets all put our heads together and think really hard, can anyone come up with a more fiscally irresponsible group of people than congress.

I would like the fate of the Big Three to be in the hands of the Dragon's Den. I want them to come up with viable business plans, plans I know that I would not be able to create. (Seriously, Americans want high wages, new technology, and cheap prices, good luck with that.) I want people who could come up with those plans and who do understand the business ideas that are necessary to accomplish such plans to evaluate the plans proposed by the Big Three. Not congress, congress by definition is a group of special interests. To put the fate of such a massive industry, where the repercussions of failure would be felt in every corner of the world, into the hands of people with only the agenda of their own corner at heart scares the hell out of me.

I do believe there will be a bailout, but I don't trust that it is the correct answer. But I guess tis is the fate of Detroit, Millin was fired and yet the Lions keep losing. Sometimes it takes more than just a quick fix. For my entire memory Detroit has been on the verge of come back, unfortunately as a life long Detroiter (with that brief stop in LA) I have no recollection of what they are trying to come back to.

Zippity Do Dah, Zippity Yay

My O my what a wonderful day. It's an attitude, and attitude doesn't have to be a nasty word. I'm grateful for people who maintain an attitude of happiness and gratitude, it's contagious, I can't help but smile.

Thank you for allowing my to share my gratitude with you. As anyone not living under a rock knows I am off for a weekend of laughing and gambling with my sisters. I will truly attempt to continue to update and I hope you continue to comment.

Happy Thanksgiving

You

I am grateful for you, who ever you are. I am grateful that there are people who care enough about me to check back every day, even when it's been almost a year. I am grateful that there are people who love me. Thank you.

XOXOXOXO

Hugs and kisses, what I miss most from when my kids were little. I could never get enough. Melody is back in the stage where I get a hug and a kiss from her, but she lives sooo far away. Megan is still too young and too old. I saw a cartoon once shortly after I lost Matt, the mom was squeezing her kid and the kid said, "Why do you always squeeze so hard?" the mom replied "I never know when it will be my last one." I've had a lot of kids in my life, and I will always be grateful for each and every hug and kiss. XOXO

We're almost there, I can smell it

Waterfalls. As a child I learned what a waterfall smelled like. There is a definate change in the air where there is a waterfall. We only have one waterfall here in the lower penisula (which is pictured here) and I don't get there nearly as often as I would like. But I am extremely grateful for my time in waterfalls as a child and for the ability to smell one.

VideoCassette Recorder

Wow, what an invention, the change that this machine has brought about in our TV viewing habits. I love being able to watch the shows I like at my convenience. Now I know the VCR is almost extinct, but I have not moved on the DVR or TIVO quite yet. Mommy was an expert recording her shows, she had three VCRs for recording and an extra one in the living room for viewing while recording something new. I always suggested putting it all into a spreadsheet to keep track but she didn't need one. Personally, I keep it much simpler recording a few shows to bring up north and watch over the weekend. And of course I am most grateful to have my poker tapes to watch Saturday nights before I go to sleep.

Self Checkout

Those who know me know they can't take me anywhere. I seem to bring out the worst in customer service. Which is why I am so very grateful for the U-Scan machines appearing all over. They started with the express lanes with a limit on the number of items and a small area for bagging. My Meijer's now have no limit ones where after you scan the item it goes on a belt down to Gordon waiting to bag it. There is a cashier assigned to all of the machines in case a problem occurs, I hate when that happens since they are usually the least competent and are handling 10 lines, but I can usually figure it out myself or just skip the item.

I am also grateful that we are already on the letter U, Z is right around the corner and then my sisters will be here. WOOHOO.

TLC

The Learning Channel. I got hooked on those home improvement shows. Not sure why or how. I never cared about any of that, in fact I'm sure somewhere in my blogs there is the line, "with Gordon not here the furniture has been in the same place". Gordon was always the decorator in our home, driving me crazy moving the furniture around weekly. I still pretty much leave the furniture to him, but I do so love decorating.

Trading Spaces has to be my favorite, seeing how things could change on a small budget. When I lost my job a while back and had too much time on my hands I went a little wild with OOPS paint. I've went back on the blog and reread about the redoing of most every room. Now with the house in Westland it's been a total transformation as mentioned in other blogs. I am most grateful for my counter, which should have completed tomorrow. After Thanksgiving I'll do a whole post on it.

To Everything Turn Turn Turn

I love having four distinct seasons here in Michigan. Although the temperatures are similar in spring and fall the air is different. I do believe a Michigander could wake up from a coma with no idea of what day it was, go outside and tell what time of year it was. I'm not particularly fond of winter but it sure makes you appreciate spring. I'm grateful for spring most of all. I can call my dad in March and he'll say it's nasty here today about 65 degrees, and I'll say it's gorgeous here about 65 degrees. Speaking of which, I should call my dad....

Remote Controls

They come for everything, my kids have no comprehension of a tv without a remote, my mom had one for her ceiling fan in the old place, toy trucks are no longer pushed but controlled remotely. The one I am most grateful for starts my car on these bitter cold mornings, just the two minutes or so it runs before I get in blows the residual cold air out of the vents and starts melting the snow on the windows.

Qualified

Time has been tight since I'm taking vacation time this week and next, a lot of stuff has to get done now. Add to that a tough letter and I am a day late. One definition for qualified is competent. I appreciate when people I need to deal with are competent, and I am grateful when I am qualified.

P was supposed to be for Photos

However since my sister had to jump in first I'll go with patience. Patience is something I have to work at everyday, it just doesn't come naturally to me. I practice alot while I am driving, reminding myself that I can't control the other drivers I can only control how I react. I'm fortunate that I have a flexible schedule at work, if I'm late there's no horrible consequences so that helps with my patience. I have also learned that I have many opportunities to practice being patient when dealing with other people (also known as idiots in my family). And I am most grateful for other's patience when I am that idiot.

O Holy Night Already

I still picture Jocelyn singing O Holy Night in grandpa's basement I thought it was the most beautiful song I had ever heard. It is still my very favorite Christmas carol and Erika once made me a CD of different versions of just O Holy Night. We have a couple of radio stations here that start Christmas music on November 1st, I flip over during commercials on my regular talk station and often catch O Holy Night. Everytime I hear it it brings back memories of Christmas' past and of a very loving sister, both of which I am very grateful for.

One Day at a Time

N is for Nar-Anon, a 12 step program for the family and friends of addicts. This program gave me my life. The 12 steps give me the tools I need to maintain serenity, the meetings give me an opportunity to share experience, strength, and hope with others who have been where I have been. When I first joined the program I had hit my rock bottom, I did not believe that I could ever be happy. I found compassion, understanding, and support, I learned acceptance, courage, and gratitude for this I will always be grateful.

MBG

I can't pick just one, and yet I can't skip them either. Matthew Beauregard, Melody Beth, Megan Brittany. I am truly blessed and grateful.

Shhhhh

I absolutely love my library. My library is small enough that they know me by name and know what I like to read, but big enough that they are on line so I can reserve books and get an email when they are in. They know I am only there on the weekends and will hold a book an extra day for me. I love to read and get nervous if I don't have a book I'm reading and the next one I'm going to read (two would be better just in case I don't like the first one). I read popular fiction an I'm not intimidated by a book and feel that I need to keep reading just in case it gets better. I have applied the phrase "I wouldn't kick her out of my bed" to books. I am grateful for a never ending supply, for free.

What are you Kewadin for?

My mother gave us a love of good times on a budget. We'll bring only what we are willing to lose. We'll watch each other play, it is just as exciting to watch your sister (or mother, or husband, or...) play a bonus round as it is to do it yourself. We'll dine on greasy chicken fingers in the wee hours of the morning. We'll all play on Gordon's card at Bay Mills to get some cheesy birthday gift. We'll consider going to the room many times, but be so afraid of missing something. It will be bittersweet this year, with a lot of tears, even more laughter, and hopefully many, many bonus games. I am so grateful that my sisters, Gordon, and I won't be Kewadin much longer.

J if for Jeopardy

I love game shows but Jeopardy is by far favorite, nothing but questions. No doors to choose, no celebrities to crack stupid jokes, no prizes to buy, just questions and answers. I am most grateful when I get to watch Jeopardy because it is on at 7:30 and if I'm watching it that means I got out of the office early.

The World is at Your Fingertips

Remember when faxes became available and you could send someone a letter and they would have it in the time it took to make a phone call, it was amazing. Now they thought of having to walk all the way to the fax machine, when I could just email something. The Internet has put the world at our fingertips. And even better it has put my family at my fingertips. I am very grateful to have access to the words and pictures of those I love whenever I need them.

Humor is in the Eye of the Beholder

I have been blessed to grow up in a family with a keen sense of humor. Whenever I start a new job there is always a tiny fear that they might not "get" my sense of humor. So far I have been fortunate. Although every cloud has not had a silver lining the love and support in my family with humor mixed in has seen us through so much. I am truly grateful to have been gifted with my sense of humor, and nothing is more satisfying then when others "get" it.

This Blog Has the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval

I read many, many magazines and within all of them I have my favorite sections. But every month when I get my Good Housekeeping it brightens my day. The heavier magazine feels good in my hands and I know that there will be plenty inside to entertain me. Since my job has taken on a lot of additional resposiblity (read work) I don't have as much time to read as I used to and a couple of my magazines get more skimming than reading (Sports Illustrated, Time) but I am always grateful to have a new Good Housekeeping there when I need something light and entertaining.

Let Freedom Ring

I know after the election and all, everyone is all, "oh this country is so great". And feeling all emotional over our new president-elect. And so am I, but that's not what I mean.

I am speaking more of the personal freedom I have to make my own choices based on what I want. Too most people this is a no-brainer, but it wasn't for me. But I did learn, and I now have choices where before I didn't believe I did. I am no longer a victim to what happens to me, but responsible for what I do. The extreme gratitude I have for this freedom is unexplainable to those who haven't been where I've been, but take it from me it's huge.

As for erasers, yes I was speaking of math because in my job I get a 100 page EOB (explanation of benefits) with individual lines of payment for several clients over several invoice periods with a single total on the bottom. I can't export the information into Excel so I have to total by individual, and then by period and hopefully get the single total on the bottom. The calculator is only as precise as the data put in, and I do make mistakes, and I do use real erasers as I write in subtotals as I get them. I was also using it as an analogy (which was going to be my A because I love analogies) to my life. When I screw up, I can go stop, apologize, do what I can to fix it and move on.

To Err is Human

My E is for erasers. I make mistakes, a lot of them. But I do not have to get stuck in them because I have erasers. I can start over and try again. I have often been told "You think you're always right", and the truth is that by the time I open my mouth I do. But first I have added up the numbers and then started at the bottom to make sure they tied, and then subtracted what I started with and balanced with what I was expecting. And then erased it all and started over if it didn't.

I came up with my E at work today, while nothing was balancing and I had to keep starting over. I was grateful that I have erasers, and am willing to use them. I just got home and am downloading files to work on from home, checking the other blogs while I did that I smiled at Erika's. Tonight I have a 4000 line Excel spreadsheet that with the help of filters and formulas I need to reduce to a one line summary for upper management. But me and Excel go way back, great pick Erika.

Lions, and Tigers, and Wings Oh My

Day 4 of my gratitude diary and D is for Detroit sports teams. I enjoy watching sports, I enjoy it even more with a team I care about. And I do care about my home teams, win or lose, good or awful, you don't root against the home team in my house. I've always enjoyed football, and the blue streak in hockey helped my follow the game so now that it is gone I can still enjoy the game, the talk radio station I listen to started carrying the tiger games and I found I really enjoyed listening to them on the radio soon I was seeking them out on TV also (it may have helped that the Tigers had a couple of winning seasons), I still don't really get into basketball but I can watch a game here or there during the season and if (like there is an if in the Piston's game plan) Detroit makes it to the playoffs I watch most of the games. It's not about winning, since of all my teams the Lions are my favorite (0-8 so far this season), but about the spirit of the game. I am grateful to live in an area that has such a wide variety of sports teams to cheer on.

C is for Christmas Decorations

No that's not last year's tree. That's this year's. It would be up sooner but Gordon draws the line at Halloween weekend. Since he's the one that does the majority of the work I concede. There are trees, and lights around the ceiling, and villages, and touches in every room. This year with two houses to decorate it's twice the fun.

I'm grateful for a husband who understands how much I love these decorations. I'm grateful for the bargains I pick up every year after Christmas that add to our collections. And I'm grateful for the feeling of serenity I get when surrounded by Christmas.

B is for Bargains

I'm not a big shopper. Somehow I missed that in the "female" gene. But when I do shop I love the clearance aisles, the outlet stores, the super sales, yard sales. Yes you could find me spending Thanksgiving night at Wal-Mart to get the super priced MP3 player as a Christmas gift. I guess the other B that goes with this is brains, I know that just because it is called a sale doesn't mean it is a good price. But when I find that one thing I've been wanting marked down to less than half of what I expected to pay for it, oh yeah I'm grateful.

Your Challenge Should You Choose To Accept It

Adrienne is doing NaBloPoMo, which I'm sure you have all seen on her site. I have a bit different take on it.

I've had a pretty yucky year, nothing totally traumatic, just feeling blah. And in this time I lost touch with what kept me sane. My twelve step program. Well, I am going to start trying to make my way back and the first thing my program gave me was gratitude. The ability to see good things even when there doesn't seem to be any good. Gratitude needs nurturing and I intend to do that in the days leading up to Thanksgiving. Now Thanksgiving is the one day set aside to remember that there is a lot in life to be grateful for, and if you go around the dinner table asking each person what they are grateful for you get a lot of, "my health", "my family" "my job", but I'm talking the little stuff. The stuff that gets taken for granted.

So here it is, 26 days until Thanksgiving and 26 letters of the alphabet. The challenge follow along in your own blog, or just leave a comment in this one, you may just remind someone else of something in their life that needs a little gratitude.

A is for Air Conditioning. I hate being hot. I can't sleep without covers. I have a hard time breathing warm air. I love the ability to control the temperature. I am grateful I am at a point in my life that it is all about me being comfortable.

All My Children

Bryan turned 10 last week. I think I am on a soap opera where a baby is born, they go to a commercial and he is a toddler, a couple of more commercial breaks and you have a teenager.

Are we going to let the terrorists win?

Okay, keep in mind that it is 2:30 in the morning here and I can't sleep, I really need to though. So here is what is running through my mind. The republican vice-presidential candidate has the nerve to say that the democratic presidential candidate pals around with terrorists when she herself is a terrorist.

See this pro america comment really bugs the hell out of me. That and the "real" america, but as that was not actually said by her I'll stick with the pro america. How dare she decide what pro america is? How dare she decide that only her beliefs are true american beliefs, that any one who wants otherwise is anti-american? Guess what america is black, white, red, brown, yellow, rich, poor, middle-class, hetrosexual, metrosexual, homosexual, anti-sexual, christian, muslim, jewish, buddhist, conservative, green, liberal, independant, tree-hugging, gas guzzling, pro-choice, pro-life, home schooled, college educated, ignorant, blue collar, white collar, big kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rock, tall kids, short kids, even kids with chicken pox....

The america I want to be around for my grandchildren has room for everyone and allows the freedom to believe what you choose. The terrorists hate that about us, apparently so does Ms. Palin.

At least it hasn't been a year

I'm back, I won't claim to be here often, but I didn't want it to go a whole year.

So here's why I don't want to live in a conservative world. This is not a true story, although it could be.

14 year old girl, mom died because they couldn't afford health care, dad doesn't know how to talk about "girl" things. Without sex education in school, of course she believed Johnny when he said she couldn't get pregnant.

With no other option but carrying the pregnancy to term, she has a baby boy. Not a zygote, not an embryo, not a fetus, but a baby. A baby she didn't want but can't give up either. The government that insisted he be brought into life will now abandon him.

Junior lives off what little his mom can earn working two jobs. Without an education she has little to offer, even her time. Junior starts getting into trouble at a young age. School's in his neighborhood can't afford any after school activities, they barely manage books. Looking for someone's attention, anyone's, he soon has the attention of a local gang. For his eighteenth birthday he holds up a liquor store, things don't go as planned and a cop is killed.

Now Junior is on death row, the government fighting to take the life they insisted be brought to term.

Now I know there are a lot of holes in this scenario, and I don't claim to understand even half of what is involved with providing a government that works for the people, but it underscores why I am voiting for Obama. Not that I agree with everything by the way, I agree with the idea of the death penalty, I just don't think we have a judicial system that is capable of applying it fairly.